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by LittleMadHattr
Summary: A journey within the minds of Klaine and Pezberry, as they account their hilarious mishaps! No copyright intended. We do not own Glee or any characters, but only use them for entertainment purposes. Partnered with SantanaSnix. Follow for chapter updates on her side!
1. Twenty-Two

_~*22*~_

You know how stories usually start out with "the night was still young…" or "once upon a time..."? Yeah, stories like that are either sinister or have some horrible meaning to them.  
Which is why we're not using them here.  
Skip back, pretend I didn't say that.  
It started with a call, early in the afternoon. Blaine had moved in with Rachel, Santana and I after his own graduation from Lima and also attended the Berry-Lopez wedding as the best man on Rachel's side.

Quite shocking if you ask me.

After graduating from NYADA, had been calling. They wanted to know about an article I had been writing on my experience. I didn't even know Izzy would be interested in knowing about that. I mean, it's not really Vogue material, right?  
Anyway.  
This wasn't them. Or even Izzy herself.  
"Kurt Hummel," I answered, as I normally did, chewing on the tip of my index finger in slight nervousness. I didn't even bother with caller I.D anymore, so. The fact that _Santana_ was calling made me question what exactly was happening in that weird psyche of hers.  
"Hey, Lady Lips. You polished tonight, right?" was her immediate, snarky, bitchy comment before even attempting to state her business for using my number.  
"Listen, I just scored us all free seats here for a smokin' assistant manager promotion party. In other words, I scored. You guys get to drink free liquor 'til you drop." And you could just taste the sass on you own tongue. Bluh.  
"Yeah, okay," I replied, walking to where Rachel was, fixing up her trophy shelf. I made a sort of gesture before mouthing 'alcohol', and she nodded. A little too enthusiastic. This made me raise a brow in slight wonder, before shaking it off and looking to Blaine. He had been standing beside me, having heard the conversation, and gave me a thumbs up.  
"Looks like everyone is willing. When is it?"  
"Now. Like, right now," and I heard her pull away from the phone and shout something along the lines of 'hookers' and 'whiskey'. "Yep. So, get your little asses down here as soon as you can, because it's going to be _wild_,"

Something to never underestimate when Santana Lopez tells you – when it's going to be wild. Because honestly it was and it was unsanitary and nasty all at the same time I mean I was pretty sure half of these people didn't even work at Coyote Ugly.  
Or were even able to drink, for that matter.  
Rachel and Santana had found us a nice little booth to squeeze into, cuddling up with Blaine and I on the opposing side.  
They were engrossed into some conversation about Paula Abdul, which only made me remember that time that the crazy Lopez stumbled into NYADA like a sneaky witch and performed for Brody in a rather provocative way what with her motions and all the other women. If you didn't know what she was really up to, you might've thought she was trying to seduce the poor guy.  
Nobody wants to be seduced by Santana Lopez. Seriously, you might think you do, but you don't. The fact she can even wedge herself into Rachel's small, tight pants is a miracle in itself.

Blaine was twirling his finger around the mouth of the cup that contained his own, third shot of whiskey. He looked already a little frazzled and that kind of really worried me because the last time he had drank was when we were in high school and-  
Actually no let's not remember that right now.

I found myself zoned out, slowly remembering a year back when the pair of women across from me finally sealed the deal and hopped on their merry way of married life. Blaine and I had been packing to move out when they announced that we could stay. Santana had given me a rather hilarious wink, perhaps from her own levels of intoxication, and the stumbled away to her room with Rachel on her hip.  
So we never did.  
But Coyote Ugly stunk oh my God it does what is that smell?  
Curiously I looked around to find the source of the foul odor that was a weird concoction of teenage angst, hard liquor, and vomit just to find a boy leaned over the pool table, passed out, and drunk.  
Okay. So, I was right. These were probably poor high schoolers that Santana let in on the street to get wasted and make bad choices.

"Kurt, aren't you going to drink?" I heard Rachel ask, picking up her own small martini and sipping at it. That shade of red went nice with it, made her look classy, it even left a mark of the glass.

"No, not tonight. I'll probably drink tomorrow, since we all know what tomorrow is," and I clapped my hands together to create emphasis.

"Oooh, you're going to watch _Rocky Horror Picture Show_, too?" Rachel asked, setting down her glass and making large eyes. Well, yeah, I was. It was coming on near the end of the night on AMC for some reason I didn't know.

"No…" I frowned a bit, actually surprised that she wouldn't even remember her own birthday.

"Then, why? What's tomorrow?"

"It's your birthday, Rachel," Santana scoffed, looking over at her in literal surprise. It was an expression that I don't remember the last time I saw on her face, except for maybe when Rachel put a twist at the end of a movie they had seen with walking on the theatre seats and making her own rendition of the finale song.

While wasted, if I must add.

"Today's the 17th?" She asked, looking in total awe at the revelation. She dug into her purse, pulling out her cell phone and grimacing at her own reflection, then clicked it on to see the date.

"Oh,"

"Yeah." I shook my head, laughing quietly to myself. Blaine patted my knee, chuckling along as Rachel just gawked at us. She was really quite adorable when she did that, not going to lie there.

"Why didn't I know it was my birthday? How come you guys did and I didn't what is this sorcery?" The ex-Berry asked in a long flow of words, and it only made me laugh harder. More like, how COULDN'T you know it was your birthday in no short of twenty-four hours?

Plus we had some big surprise we were planning for her, anyway.

"I'm turning twenty-two. I'm getting old," she huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and just no I'm older than her. Rude. Very rude, Rachel!

"You are not, you're still a pretty little princess!" Blaine piped in, grinning from ear to ear. She seemed to brighten up as she drank the other half of her beverage, then sat it down and tapped the table.

"When. Does. Karaoke. Start?" She asked with each hit on the wood, making Santana roll her eyes and it was starting to become obvious that Rachel Lopez was not entirely Rachel Lopez.

And by that I mean she was tipsy and just needed to sing her heart out over something incredibly ridiculous. Hey, as long as it wasn't about her hair accessories, I'd be 100% all in for listening to her. Like I've said in the past, she's one of the best singers I had ever, ever heard.

"Karaoke has been on for like an hour now, Rach. Why don't you go?" Santana urged her, scooting from the seat to let her by.

"Taylor is stuck in my head now, thanks, guys!" And she scrambles off to the counters. She climbs on, which makes most people shut up.

Before she could even get the first few words up, some people had already caught on and were jamming out with bar-made instruments.

_"It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters,_

_And make fun of our ex's, uh uh, uh uh."_

As she sang this, she pulled the snapback off of a kid's head and tilted it onto her own, giggling.

_"It feels like a perfect night for breakfast at midnight,_

_To fall in love with strangers, uh uh, uh uh."_

And then she pulled said kid up to her lips, but didn't kiss him. Nope, 'course not. She's so clever when she's tipsy.

_"Yeah,_

_We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time."_

She pushed him back down, now strutting on the bar counter. She slid on her knees, landing to be on the side of the stools and sitting on one.

_"It's miserable and magical._

_Oh, yeah!_

_Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines._

_It's time,"_

And then she went _real_ quiet. Like, almost dead silent, for half a second.

_"Uh oh!"_

And she kicked off her boot. Yep, it just went all the way across the bar. At least it didn't hit anyone, but then again, I was laughing much too hard to even care if it did.

_"I don't know about you,_

_But I'm feeling 22!_

_Everything will be alright,_

_If you keep me next to you!"_

She was tugging at Santana to come and join her now, since she had come up to go and join her anyway. Blaine was dragging me up to stand and dance with him, doing a small little cha-cha and giggling and laughing and just singing along, too.

_"You don't know about me,"_ off to some kid in the back.

_"But I'll bet you want to!_

_Everything will be alright,_

_If we just keep dancing like we're_

_22, ooh-ooh_

_22, ooh-ooh!"_

Wow she looked like she was having so much fun. I'm glad that even a drunk Rachel can still look awesome and sound amazing, what a gift.

She steps off from the counter, still singing as she pushes gently passed a bunch of people.

_"It seems like one of those nights,_

_This place is too crowded."_

_"Too many cool kids, uh uh, uh uh,"_ and Santana, Blaine and I whispered pretty low but still loud enough for people to hear_, "who's Rachel Berry anyway? Ew?"_

_"It seems like one of those nights,_

_We ditch the whole scene and end up dreaming_

_Instead of sleeping!"_

She took Blaine from me.

Like, literally stole him by the waist and was dancing with him now.

Come on.

Why me?

Why Blaine?

Why this?

But it was okay, I got to dance with her wife, so it's okay. I made gooey eyes at Santana just to make her laugh, which she did because I'm pretty damn funny, and spun her around.

_"Yeah,_

_We're happy, free, confused, and lonely in the best way,"_

_"It's miserable and magical._

_Oh, yeah..!"_

_"Tonight's the night when we forget about the heartbreaks,_

It's time,"

Once again, she goes near dead silent before continuing in a loud_, "Uh oh!"_

_"I don't know about you,_

_But I'm feeling 22!_

_Everything will be alright_

_If you keep me next to you."_ She pulled Blaine on her hip, dancing side by side with him and swaying their pelvises to the left, then the right.

_"You don't know about me,"_ pointing off to a different minor this time.

_"But I'll bet you want to!"_

_"Everything will be alright,_

_If we just keep dancing like we're,_

_22, ooh-ooh,_

_22, ooh-ooh!"_

_I don't know about you,_

_22, ooh-ooh!_

_22, ooh-ooh."_

_"It feels like one of those nights," sang the whole bar._

_"We ditch the whole scene."_ Was Rachel.

_"It feels like one of those nights,"_

_"We won't be sleeping!"_

_"It feels like one of those nights,"_

_"You look like bad news."_ The brunette raised her finger to aim and stare directly at Santana and I.

_"I gotta have you,"_

_"I gotta have you!"_

It got kinda quiet then, the music morphing all hypnotic-like. I really liked it. Everyone would swing their fists into the air, almost perfectly in sync. Crazy.

_"Ooh-ooh,_

_Ooh-ooh, ye-e-e-e-eah, hey!"_

_"I don't know about you," (I don't know about you)_

_But I'm feeling 22!"_

_"Everything will be alright,"_

"_If you keep me next to you."_

_"You don't know about me!"_ (_You don't know about me_)

_"But I'll bet you want to."_

_"Everything will be alright,"_

_"If we just keep dancing like we're_

_22, ooh-ooh_

_22, ooh-ooh_

_22, ooh-ooh, yeah, yeah!_

_22, ooh-ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah!"_

It was really cute, seeing Rachel interact with a bar full of wasted teenagers. It was almost nostalgic, like she was Mister Shuester and all the rest of us were the Glee kids. Which gave me the spontaneous idea that would then make her entire birthday. Or, at least, kind've make her birthday. A little Skype call from Lima wouldn't hurt, right?

I'd do that when she was sober and not suffering from a really bad hangover.

_"It feels like one of those nights,"_

_"We ditch the whole scene!"_

_"It feels like one of those nights,"_

_"We won't be sleeping!"_

_"It feels like one of those nights,"_

_"You look like bad news,_

_I gotta have you,_

_I gotta have you!" _And she slid so her mouth was almost on Santana's, then giggled as applause broke out around everyone.

Knowing it was now midnight, Santana, Blaine and I all shouted at the top of our lungs,

_"Happy 22, Rachel Lopez!"_

* * *

**_Author notes:_**

**_This story is a collaboration with SantanaSnix._**

**_Please Review!_**

**_Pezberry One-Shot or Multichapter? ( :_**


	2. Tampons

"Rachel, where the hell are my tampons?" Seriously fucking hell. Why is it every time it is my turn to ride the crimson tide I have no way of stopping up the dam.

"They are in the cabinet babe. I just bought you some the other day." Cabinet one…no tampons, cabinet two…same story.

"Rachel, they are not in here and I am about 10 seconds from gushing all over the floor and making our bathroom look like a scene out of CSI."

"Santana stop being so dramatic…I'm coming." Stop being dramatic. This coming from the drama queen herself. Who does she think she is? I'm not being dramatic. I just know that I am about to bleed to death and no one cares.

"I'm not being dramatic, I would just really like to stick one of those sons a bitches up there so that I can get dressed and go party with the wifey."

"Santana don't call me that again or you're not getting any for a week." Yeah like that's a threat, I am on the rag so there won't be any fight there. Damn mother-nature and her messing with my sexy times. I really need to find out who to contact with my complaints about this.

"Rachel, honey, sweetheart. I am sorry for calling you that I am just very frustrated at the moment." So what if I am apologizing. Just because I am off limits for 5-7 days down there does not mean that I want to be cut off for a week from her. That would really make this glorious time a fucking mess.

"Santana stop being a smart ass, they are right here, in the cabinet like I said." Seriously what the fuck who puts that kind of shit there. I mean really.

"Rachel honestly why the hell would you put tampons under the kitchen sink? How the hell would I know to look there?"

"Well I didn't want to put them in the bathroom because every-time I do Kurt uses them for his nose bleeds and you know how often he has those and it's getting expensive to have to buy them all of the time. So I just figured I would hide them."

"Well next time could you at least tell me where your hiding spot is? It is kind of one of those things I need to know, and what do you mean Kurt uses them for his nosebleeds, hasn't he ever heard of a tissue."

"Santana I'm sorry. Next time I will tell you where I put things, and Kurt says that our tampons stop the bleeding faster and they are soft."

"That is all I ask, and that boy is seriously fucked up, and that is being nice. Now can you please march your happy sexy ass back to the kitchen and get me the tampons so I can get cleaned up and we can get this night started."

"Why didn't you grab them when I showed you where they were?" Oh my God, this seriously should not be this hard. I mean yeah I should have stopped running my mouth and just grabbed my shit and took care of it but damn I am really trying to salvage my clothes here so I ran back to the bathroom.

"Fuck Rachel, please, I'll do anything." Well shit, I don't like that look she is giving me. Damnit what did I just get myself into.

"Anything?"

"Yes MI Amor. Anything." Damnit all to hell.

"Alright." Well with the way she is skipping out of here and smiling as big as she is, I must have agreed something to pretty fucking fantastic. I hope I enjoy the mystery as much as she does.

"Here you go baby."

"So what did I just agree to?" I hate that shit eating grin.

"You are going back to Lima with Blaine, Kurt and myself for a whole Glee reunion next week. It will be so much fun Santana, oh yeah and you are going to at least act like you are having fun and you have to be nice to everyone." Fuck I knew it would be something impossible like that. She is lucky that I am so in love with her or honestly I would probably bury her somewhere under Sue's so called corner. I can't believe I have to go back to Lima and not only that, I have to be nice. Snixx is sure as hell not going to like this.

"Really Rachel, that is pretty impossible and you know it."

"Do you love me?" What kind of question is that?

"What?" Okay I am confused now.

"I said do you love me Santana?"

"What the fuck Rachel, of course I do?" Seriously what kind of mind game is she playing right now? All of this over a damn tampon.

"Then nothing is impossible baby." Ohhh…okay I get it now. I wonder if Finn and Sam count in the whole being nice to everyone thing. I don't think I will ask.

_**Submitted By SantanaSnix**_

_**Please Review if you enjoy the Drabbles. **_


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